Fish Are Friends Not Food

• Accidentally close a tab? Ctrl+Shift+T reopens it.
• Bananas release dopamine, eat them when you’re sad.
• CTRL+SHIFT+ESC is the one handed version of CTRL+ALT+DEL
• Don’t brush your teeth hard, it makes them sensitive and removes enamel.
• Don’t like spiders? Put citronella oil on your walls and they will not go there.
• Drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have, you’ll get drunk without getting a hangover.
• Get clear ice cubes by boiling water before freezing it
• Heal paper cuts and immediately stop the pain with chapstick.
• If you accidentally write on your dry erase board with a permanent marker, scribble over it with a dry eraser marker to remove it.
• If your shoes smell, put them in the freezer overnight, it will kill the bacteria.
• Make bug bites stop itching with a banana peel.
• Make a paper longer with 12-point text, but 14-point periods and commas.
• Need to get around a blocked website at work? Try replacing the http:// with https://
• Never send your resume as a word file (unless asked) Instead, print it to a pdf file, it’s much cleaner and professional looking.
• Pick a flavor of gum you don’t normally chew, and chew it while studying during a test.
• Place a piece of bread in a container with your homemade cookies and they will stay soft.
• Put a dry towel into a dryer with wet clothes, they will dry faster.
• Put toothpaste on a pimple and it will dry out.
• Practise fake smiling in the mirror every day before going to work/school, you’ll genuinely start to feel happier.
• Rub canola/olive oil on knives before cutting onions, you won’t cry, alternatively chew gum and you won’t either.
• Short on time with a wrinkled dress shirt? Hang it up in the bathroom to steam it flat.
• The night before, place things you don’t want to forget the next morning on top of your shoes.
• Use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood stains from clothing.
• When cleaning windows use newspapers or coffee filters instead of paper towels, they will not leave streaks.
• When microwaving bread products/pizza put a glass of water in with it, it will keep your bread for going spongy.
• When you move into a new place you’re renting, take pictures of any and all damage, then post them on facebook (privately if preferred) so you can use the reference date as proof you didn’t do it.
• When searching plane tickets online delete your cookies prior, prices go up when you visit a site multiple times.

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Wed, 08 May 2013 09:35:03 -0700

tastefullyoffensive: [via]

Wed, 08 May 2013 09:33:20 -0700

tastefullyoffensive:

[via]

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Wed, 08 May 2013 09:32:37 -0700

oolongearlgrey: rozurizo: stegomastodon: darktemplarfromhell: ...

Wed, 08 May 2013 09:28:42 -0700

oolongearlgrey:

rozurizo:

stegomastodon:

darktemplarfromhell:

That….is sick

For the person who wants to kill the shit out of somebody.

The knife is in case I don’t kill you with the six bullets first.

the Apache Revolver, ladies and gentlemen

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Wed, 08 May 2013 09:27:45 -0700

beyoncebeytwice: its not a real holiday unless it gets me out of school

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 10:32:44 -0700

beyoncebeytwice:

its not a real holiday unless it gets me out of school

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Tue, 12 Feb 2013 10:12:09 -0700

tastefullyoffensive: [via]

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 10:11:09 -0700

tastefullyoffensive:

[via]

the-streeets: onlytheilluminatisurvive: there is a huge difference between genuinely liking...

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 10:06:27 -0700

the-streeets:

onlytheilluminatisurvive:

there is a huge difference between genuinely liking someone and liking the attention they give you and it took me a long ass time to realize that

this is so fucking true holy shit

twelvejammiedodgers-andafez: on a scale of one to invade russia in the winter how bad is your idea

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 10:38:31 -0700

twelvejammiedodgers-andafez:

on a scale of one to invade russia in the winter

how bad is your idea

tastefullyoffensive: [theargylesweater]

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 13:01:07 -0700

tastefullyoffensive:

[theargylesweater]